Sterv's brain farts

Takeshi Murata

Man thinkin about the future used to get me down, like “What the hell am I gonna be doing for the rest of my life, I’m not going to be happy, I don’t even like computers that much, i’m not gonna have any friends, it’s gonna suck, it only gets worse” but now I’m like “YO THERE’S SO MUCH TO DO! so much out there to learn! still so much time to make something lasting that affects other people! still so many people to meet and friendships to be forged! Still time to build, and learn, and create, and laugh, and think, and read and listen and all that LIFE! LIFE!!! JUST EAT UP LIFE, IN BIG CHUNKS, NOT EVEN WITH SILVERWARE, JUST GRAB IT AND TAKE BIG BITES RIGHT OUT OF IT!!!”

Khufu- “Hey, Khafre”

Khafre- “Yeah what”

Khufu- “I’m tired of being a pyramid”

Khafre-“What do you mean”

Khufu-“I mean I’m tired of being a pyramid! I’ve been a pyramid for, what, like 4,500 years now? I’m just tired of it. I want to be a cube”

Khafre-“You can’t be a cube”

Khufu-“Why not”

Khafre-“You’re a pyramid, that is your form, and your namesake.”

Khufu-“Namesake, namesake…”

Khafre-“You have to change it the second time, like ‘namesake, nameshmake.’ You’re trying to sound dismissive, right?”

Khufu-“Yeah that’s what I’m going for, how do you do it again?”

Khafre-“Just change it the second time, to something like nameshmake”

Khufu- “K, thanks. Where was I?”

Khafre-“Right there. you’ve always been right there.”

Khufu-“No, in conversation! But I’ve always wanted like really tiny starfish legs so i could move even just a little bit, do you know what I’m talking about, starfish legs?”

Khafre-“Yes, of course I know about starfish. You were trying to dismiss the namesake issue before.”

Khufu-“Ah yes! Namesake nameshmake…”

Khafre-“Well everyone knows you as a pyramid. What are they going to call you if you’re a  cube. You’d mess everything up, people wouldn’t be able to collectively refer to us as ‘the pyramids’ anymore, they’d have to say like, ‘the pyramids, and that cube’”

Khufu-“They’d still call me a pyramid.”

Khafre-“No they wouldn’t.”

Khufu-“Just lay off! You don’t know what it’s like being a pyramid for so long!”

Khafre-“Actually I do…”

Khufu-“Yeah well I’m gonna be cube… you just wait…”

Khafre-“How exactly do you plan on becoming a cube?”

Khufu-“I don’t know. I’ll have to get the humans to do it.”

Khafre-“Ok that settles it. The humans are never going to turn you into a cube.”

Khufu-“Oh SHHHH! Shut up, shut up! A bunch of humans are coming!”

…(Humans approaching)…

Human(overheard)-“Today marks a historic event. Today is the day we begin construction… to CONVERT ONE OF THE PYRAMIDS INTO A CUBE.”

Crowd-“(applause of unanimous approval)”

Human-“We shall be converting the Pyramid of Khafre into a mighty cube! Let the transformation begin! Harrah!”

Khufu-“Goddammit…”

Alright so I might make a radio sketch out of that, but i’d have to change the goddammit at the end, goddammit.

My mom and I were both in the computer room, and there was a timer beeping in the kitchen. She could definitely hear it. I asked her what the beeping was, and she said it was the cookies. I ran to the kitchen, swung opened the oven and removed the cookie tray with my bare hands. But it was too late, they were all on fire, and they were wailing. My mom entered the kitchen, and I looked at her, “Why? Why didn’t you sense the urgency? THESE COOKIES ARE BURNING. Oh God, oh my God…” She fell to her knees and wept.

Adventure Time

Pendleton Ward

Spongebob

Stephen Hillenburg

I want to make cartoons

I’m going to learn flash

Maybe in the future I can go to school for animation

I’m at one of my most inspired points right now, if I could just sustain this inspiration and motivation!!! I’m trying to accumulate a valuable skill set, and flash is a great way to make things. I’ve wanted to make movies or radio stories for a long time now, and with flash I’ll be able to do better than that, and with guitar, and some humorous writing, hey I could make good cartoons!!! I just need to practice drawing, maybe take some classes, I could do it!

i just went to get a drink in the library and i noticed bob sittin at the computer, not lookin at the computer, but just lookin off zonin. he was just at the blank blue desktop, nothing open. i get my drinkie and walk over to bob, “bob whatcha workin on” bob snaps out of it and says very slowly, “microbiology.” then he laughed.

An original joke by Steve Garvin:

Q: What’s a vampire’s favorite beer?

A: Bloodweiser

Easily could make it onto Yahooligans jokes.

i want to train mexican jumping beans until they get so good that they can just jump and start ricocheting off the walls like bb’s